Patriot Punch and Public Executions: America's Newest Tourist Attraction
Every great city has a reason for visitors to flock to it. New York has Broadway, Las Vegas has the casinos, and now, Louisiana has
state-sanctioned executions with live entertainment.
Bars across Baton Rouge ran execution specials, featuring the dangerously potent Patriot Punch-a blend of whiskey, hot sauce, and "liberal tears," served in an ammo can.
"It really pairs well with watching due process get deep-fried," one bartender explained, pouring another round.
The event proved so popular that tour groups are already booking next year's "Death Row Party Crawl," which includes stops at Angola Prison, a reenactment of Khalifa's final meal, and a special meet-and-greet with the governor, who will sign autographs and pose next to a cardboard cutout of the electric chair.
Locals say they're happy to have an event that "really captures Louisiana's spirit" and brings people together-"kinda like Mardi Gras, but with less sin and more state-sanctioned revenge."
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Louisiana's Execution Party Barges Are Making a Splash
Nothing says justice like a party boat. As Khalifa's body was sent into the Gulf of America, patriotic Americans toasted his departure from party barges decked out in red, white, and blue.
"
This is what our forefathers fought for!
" one reveler shouted while shotgunning a beer.The barges, usually reserved for bachelor parties and alligator tours, took on a new purpose:
floating death row afterparties.
Live bands performed anthems like "Proud to Be an American" and "America, (Expletive) Yeah!" as guests ate crawfish and saluted the water.Even local businesses got involved, with a brewery releasing Execution Ale-described as "dark, bitter, and legally questionable."
At the end of the night, as Khalifa's coffin sank beneath the waves, the final toast was made. "May all enemies of America find their way to the bottom of our rebranded waters," one attendee declared, his words promptly slurred into incoherence.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Odelya Ehrenberg
Literature and Journalism -- Lehigh
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student who excels in satirical journalism, she brings humor and insight to her critical take on the world. Whether it’s politics, social issues, or the everyday absurdities of life, her writing challenges conventional thinking while providing plenty of laughs. Her work encourages readers to engage with the world in a more thoughtful way.
https://bohiney.com/mahmoud-khalifa-executed/
